2 days to go!

Before you read my latest rant I want to say I have reached the point where I am less worried about things like what kind of mother I'll be, how much life is going to change, etc, and purely excited about having this baby! I'm so excited to see her little face (though it feels less like a little face and more like a giant head considering she is breech and this head is right under my diaphragm!) and get to know her! Though we're getting antsy, we're taking things day by day now and trying to give her time to do what she needs to do in there and hope she'll want to join us soon.

On that note, due to laziness, I copied an email I wrote to a friend about our latest obstetrician saga rather than write up a whole new blog. Here it is below:

Still breech. Still only dilated a fingertip (for 2 weeks now, though slightly more effaced every week but nothing to write home about yet). Still fighting with doctor. Yesterday we went through the same old shit except this time she stepped up her fear tactics and threw in a little guilt for good measure. She said, "Let me ask you this. What happens if the cord prolapses or there are other cord issues and the baby ends up with brain damage or stillborn? Wouldn't you feel guilty??" Gee, thanks Lady! I'm not 40 weeks pregnant or anything and that wouldn't happen to be a sensationally rude thing to say to a pregnant woman, would it? Paul and I have done mucho research and found out that unless you have a footling breech, you don't have any more chances of the cord prolapsing than someone who is having a vaginal birth. (And this can only occurr if your water breaks). On the subject of her turning let me point out another inconsistency the doctor said. I told her I have found out about a load of cases where the babies have turned well past 39 weeks, some even after labor set in (which she dismissed as "impossible"). So she says it's impossible because the baby has no room to move, yet yesterday when I said it looks like things are still good because the baby is still in a non-dangerous breech presentation (no feet are down near the cervix), she said "but the baby could change position when in labor and the feet could end up there." But wait! Since 37 weeks she has been telling us that the baby is never going to turn and it is impossible for the baby to change position while in labor. Oh! I guess that's only when it's convenient for her to use that information. She keeps telling us she prefers planning things and prefers to do c-sections under controlled circumstances which is why she wants us to schedule. Though as "urgently" (I use quotes because both the baby and I are perfectly healthy at the moment so there are no issues to warrent the surgery at this time) as she wants to schedule a c-section, she doesn't do them on Fridays or weekends. So it's really just all about convenience for her. I like to plan things too, but perhaps planning a birth shouldn't be taken as lightly as planning a party or vacation? Two more things I should mention that didn't sit right with me. First, when she asked what the point was in waiting to do a cesarean I said, "Well, for one, I don't think she is ready to come out yet, and also I would like to see if I can go into labor first. 'The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy' says that there is a hormone exchange that goes on between the mother and baby when you go into labor that prepares the baby to regulate its own blood sugar once detached from the palcenta, as well as help it breathe, and also reduce the stress of coming into the world." (Think about it... if you're in this nice, warm place for 9-10 months and then all of a sudden you're ripped out and in this completely different environment without any sort of preparation or forewarning, wouldn't you freak out?) When I brought this up she got annoyed and made a comment, something about how she wishes they wouldn't have written that. Why? So people can't get the information and use it to protect themselves and will just go along with any old junk they are being told? Then the other thing that didn't sit right with me is how she pointed out that she was documenting how we kept declining the "opportunity" for an "elective" c-section. Yeah, more quotes. Go ahead! Document it! But telling us that seemed like another fear tactic; almost a threat. I'm not loving or appreciating having to fight so hard for my baby to be able to stay in the womb when there is no medical reason she shouldn't be able to. It's just too tiring right now. I know people think I am being stubborn (including the doctor who told me so yesterday), but Paul and I didn't take deciding to get pregnant lightly, so why would we take the way our baby is to be born lightly?